...

I really don't give a damn. i collapsed and turned off. i can laid down for 2 hours and played with the 'puzzle' by my own. i was so unhappy. i wasn't angry at all. nope. i hope the words would embrace me. but it turned useless. i resided everything into a box, curved inside and shattered myself. that was so paloi. very paloi.

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pujuk-diri-sendiri and i was trying. so many buzz from random friends asking the same question, some people said this. some people said that. too random. and now, i become 'random'. shit. i can't stick into one thought anymore, where I always used to be. i seems like, don't you ever show your attention on me anymore. but the other side of me, please help me. and when it came out, i will say, no, don't go next to me. what is that????? i want to kill every each of person who trying to 'touch' me. including you, yes. i want to electrify myself with every kind and gentle whispered with the combination of good words from random friends. still, ineffective. nowhere to be found!!

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dysfunctional, yes, i don't want to view anymore. i don't want to. that is sad ok .where you lost your ability and excitement to view it. now, you are in your own world. I DON'T WANT TO VIEW that SITE ANYMORE. angry? nope. bored? totally nope. disappointed? maybe, yes. kecik hati? maybe yes, too. i can pick up the phone and act as if, "oh yeah i'm alright, why?" that was so fuck, gentleman. i hate it. i just want to scream "i'm not okayyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why are you asking if you know that!!!!!!!!". but nope. i won't scream. i still can keep that in my box. this is not acting stupid and this is not being ignorance. this is, patient. i know that very much. we have to control our choice to tell what we want to tell. keep it in the other folder. and smile. :) sometimes, i was thinking to payback. why not? i will payback after all what you've done. but, i revised again, this is not that worst. this, can be repair. i'm ok. i'm ok. i want the miracle spotlight. good friends, tqvm.

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i'm not that 'down', yet. i'm alright. but i was trapped into one side. which is, 'i forgive you, but i won't forget'. yea, that is the best description. pujuk diri sendiri lagi sekali. believe me, i am okay. apparently, i am not okay. why?? why must appear now? i'm like sitting down, waiting for the next episode. and watch the "funny-hurtful-drama". You said, you never talk about your past, you never pop out the name, you never show me the clue, but you think, you did not. but, for me??? you already showed me your past, you already showed me the clue! & now i got the clue! it's too late. and why must let me listen and heard everything by my own. alone. let the other side knows that too. i don't want to tell. i don't want to give. be clear, i'm not okay, now. you just know how to say sorry and you promised it won't happen again. you want to give your best on me. i appreciate that, very much. thank you.

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i am glad that we are still OK and this thing make us tougher than before. maybe for the other side, yes. for me? yes yes yes. really? nope. i am crumple like a little girl craving for milk and cookies. what i'm gonna do now is, find back my soul. and escape to someplace. find back the miracle spotlight. i still have to pujuk diri sendiri lagi. please.

p/s: i still can say this, "i am okay, sayang. don't worry too much about me".


plus,
myself.

help.

 i need some happy pills for me to swallow,

or give me one shot, for me to smile again.

these three guys.

This is Colman Stanly aka Colman aka Mr.Kentut

heyy you! i dun know why i include yours in here,

even if you are one of my good friend who never forget to SMS or call me.

you must be in Sarawak now. i know. somewhere around your housing area.

hahahahaha. i miss you colman! yeeaa.

you too. i still not see you selalunya jumpa di shopping mall.

hehh.. so who is your new girlfriend / scandal? that one you forget to update.

dpt yang hot or just normal one?

gahhh. joking!! :P

and i heard about your 'ill' or something like kidney? are you ok actually?

last time you kata you okay. hopefully.

 p/s: if you were with me in Malacca, i know, you're the one that can make me feel sooo confident 

and wanna try new things because you always cabar me!

this is Qudzami Abadi aka Zamie aka Strange Brew

what the fuck?? oi zamie choy choy la! :p

i miss you and i am sorry i cannot make it.

you know what i mean, we cannot meet. hem.

i still have one month here, so make it in one month ok.

i promise. like choy! hahaha.

how are you and i really wanna see you. and do u still with your old girlfriend or new one?

because i wanna tell you everything too lahh! about someone that you know. hem.

sudah lama kita tidak bergelak ketawa even kau selalu menyakat aku!!!!!!!!

p/s: if you were with me in Malacca, you're the one who will spank

and bang any psycho guys who chase after me. i know that. ahaha.

 

L-R : Fedul & Vidya

This is Mohd Faidul. we call him, Fedul. Hey, i miss you. :)

i want to tell you, i am sorry because i seems like F-O-R-G-E-T you.

i am NOT. alright?

i am not ok. i heard u were somewhere at the Kidurong Club but why i didn't see you.

i love your jokes and gossips.

you are 'brilliant'. yup.

and weirdo! :p

you are such a good friend for US, fedul.

and.. Saiful do care about you. :( i heard some from Saiful.

your nature: chase and tease others, we can accept it. okay.

erm.. please come back to us. we miss you. pujuk lah tok. ok.

p/s: if you were with me in Malacca, you're the one who can make me laugh if i'm so moody

and revise the new gossips!?. hahaha.

P/S: I MISS THESE THREE GUYS. THAT IS WHY.

XOXO, VIDYA! :D

complex problems have simple,easy to understand,wrong answers.

the thing is like this: perhaps all of us have our own answers and arguments, but one of us cannot accept it. where is our forbearance? So it going insane and out of tempo. everyone annoyed and everyone twist the head off. knock. knock. now i'm the one [not to mention some distress persons, yes some of you said something. thank you] who need to stand up and explain like clarify everything. wtf? am i your speaker? or 'a dictionary' ? no, right? you have your own two legs and two hands occupied with your mouth, so stand up for yourself. that is not so difficult. why so scared? you can just do it by yourself. you don't need us. now, the culpability session. one point her finger to this one. and another one point her finger to another. the 'so sad' is one acted like she's innocent. durrrr. if i was so cannot be patient, i would point my finger to your face and say, "hey you stop pretend like you are a good girl". i can be so. and everyone was pointed on each other including me, myself. wth? this one, hey you. You can just read and conclude. not a stupid speculation nor assumption. not a stupid explanation or otherwise. go and blow it away. blow it AWAY. do not complicate this thing. because it is not so complicated anyways. perhaps, we have to stay in our "broadmindedness" line. if we can't, one of us will go up and say, "oouhh you girls bla bla bla..." like fuck sangat. aku dah penat la wei. i don't have to spare my time only to talk continuously and explain like there is no ending. bila aku dah senyap, malas nak argue, then this one terhegeh-hegeh suruh aku cakap. i dah diam, you pulak tak puas hati. apahal you ni? maybe some of them expect me to keep silent because they know how i will blow up and explode in my says and words. tqvm at least some of you understand me on that part. but certain typical coward person, they doesn't want me to keep silent. they want me to say something whilst, they themselves were actually can say some words. but they are so coward- i'm sorry. they turns their head and pretend like they are innocent. wth. you can walk away now, and try to deliver your speech and thoughts. p/s: you are so 'high-school'. Durrr. Grow up lah you.

this thing become complex maybe we closed our mind too tight and put it in our tupperware. shall i be, come on..... you can do the stuff too right? you can eliminate the unwanted too, right? omigosh, like we did not want to listen to our own important person. here i tell you- FRIEND. friend hate friend. damn! friend say this to another friend. double damn. second victim, you. You, i'm happy because after all we still can be happy and 'pretend' like nothing happened. to be honest, i am sad ok. i am really sad. you came out and proudly said that we don't have that kind of  "----------". we should be more give and take. yes, give and take. now i will tell you, give and take can be very useful ONLY in certain unconditional circumstances. my perception is, you are good & you are nice. but now, you are fully not. i'm being judgemental huh? oh yes, because you let me! i did not say you are hypocrite. no no no. because, EVERYONE IS HYPOCRITE. accept that, people. do not tell me you never lie. do not tell me you are innocent. you are not. we already knew that lah. some of us already realised that. and we are so unhappy. but still.... i can accept you even if i had switched on my emotion. listen to me, i can allow you to colour my life and paint every side of me that you want to. because, seriously, i am happy when i'm with you. i love my friends and i appreciate you. that is all. so do not brain wash us, anymore. i know you're tired of it.

yet, this thing is simple. easy to understand but we give a wrong answer. being stupid tak bertempat. all of us give a damn and please, do not deny it and like blaming certain persons only. i hate that. we are all accountable for that. alright. i'm done and i really hope these can execute the empty.

p/s: some of us still happy. so it doesn't  matter actually.


Final and XOXO,
Vidya.

"appreciate your home!"

by, vidya

random pix

 alphabet. they can describe and they can explain.. i love alphabet.

i mean, i love words.

numbers. numbers. numbers. even though i hate calculation,

but numbers really do help me. they can function like alphabet but in a numeric ways

 

music is the soul in every inch of happiness...

appreciate music, there you will find your happiness.

 

love is everywhere. it scatters around you and inspire every human.

love yourself. love your beloved ones and love your materials.

 

Unity. help each other. togetherness, create a strong bond between

human then you will achieve 'ONE'. 

 

 Books. Reading will increase your knowledge. Find a good source.

Sharpen your ability of thinking and imagining. Be wise.

 

 healthy food. practice healthy meal.

maintain your health and reduce your cholesterol.

 

this is my favorite drink. Fruit juice. taste every single of the juicy fruit

orange juice, watermelon juice, tomato juice, kiwi juice and strawberry juice.

yummy!

 

black and white . You choose.

Some people said; black is not a colour.

white is actually the colour of all colours. Whatever.

XOXO,

vidya :)

 

happy birthday!

~Happy Birthday Nor Farhana Kamaruzaman~

i LOVE you

i know you LOVE me too

nice to have you as my best friend, my house mate and my room mate!

i cherish every memories we shared together

laugh, scream, cries and pain also GOSSIPs

the 'gila-gila' things and the 'baik-baik' things

from my lips like sugar to eh eh nothing else I can say

i really hope you are happy with your 19

appreciate every happiness and care the beloved people

i miss you farh

we can celebrate your birthday when we meet again for the second semester :p

[i will try bring your GAGA. Hahahaha!!!]

i will wrap Gaga into one with a ribbon on it! Don't worry!

LOL. :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEST FRIEND!!

XOXO,

VIDYA YAZMIN aka your Blair.